I've become one of those people

I get up at 5:45 most mornings and go to the gym. And I love it. It's what makes me want to get out of bed. Seriously. Being motivated to exercise is kind of unfamiliar to me. I have never been entirely sedentary -- I love to walk; I have been swimming and practicing yoga sporadically for years; I even took up running a couple years ago and went so far as to participate in a 5K (miserably, and very slowly). But even though I enjoyed all those activities, it was always a chore to make myself do them. I would shoot for three or four days a week and spend all day in discussion with myself about whether or not this was a work-out day. I liked the exercise but hated deciding to do it.

Weight Watchers does this Pavlovian thing where you can trade activity points for food points. So I started out walking a little more than I used to so I could have another snack. It somehow evolved into me going to the gym five mornings a week and hiring a personal trainer. Go figure.

The turning point was the difference between five days a week and three. At three, I had to fight with myself about doing it. At five, it's part of my routine, and my body is so used to it that I feel antsy when I'm not moving. I also remember how good I feel after working out so I go to the gym as a treat -- the way I might have eaten ice cream as a treat several months ago. Seriously, I hate myself a little bit for saying this shit -- who can stand the person who says, "No really, working out is a comfort just like pizza is?" But I seem to be becoming that person.

I have more energy. I stress less about what I eat because I know I'm working some of it off (though I don't eat a lot more -- I don't trade in my points very often). And I seem to be getting in better shape, which is oddly more gratifying than losing weight. This week on the treadmill I noticed that when I do intervals of running and walking, my running intervals are faster and longer and my heart rate doesn't go up as high.

I hope I don't somehow fall out of this habit. More than anything I fear my own ability to stop doing what's good for me.